Women in the Workplace

Uh-oh. If I haven't lost a bunch of subscribers by now, this series might just be the one.

I sent out a poll via LinkedIn a few weeks ago to ask what we should talk about next here on The Workplace Unfiltered, and the votes were overwhelmingly for discussing the behavior of women in the workplace. So, I'm blaming you all now for this newsletter's demise, lol.

What am I bantering about? It's well known, at least among us women, that there are certain types of women that make workplaces absolutely unbearable- intentionally- based on many factors we'll get into with this series. But, let me first provide some background and context with this article before we get into the nitty gritty of the what and why behind those behaviors.

Women at Work

Going back a few articles to the profile of the typical abuser, people tend to think of bullies as overwhelmingly male. There are even countless studies that give raw data "proving" that bullies are mostly men. I wonder though, if those results are because people are always looking for overt abuse tactics or feel that physical or more overt forms of abuse are more severe, and that emotional or mental abuse "isn't that bad" and doesn't exist.

One thing I've noticed in my years of observing workplace behaviors is that abuse from men is more likely to be seen. Abuse from women is more likely to be felt. 

Women are much, much more covert and passive-aggressive in their abusive tactics- so much so that many times victims are unaware that they are being abused. Men may chalk it up to "women just being that way", and other women will have been so exposed to these behaviors that we see them not only as normal, but as a means to an end.

Here's a non-exhaustive list of mindsets and behaviors toxic, abusive women often lead with when it comes to interacting with other women at work (and in general):

• They immediately see other women as competition. They will size you up on-sight and will begin formulating how they'll "keep you in your place."

• They will try to embarrass you in front of others if they are intimidated by you.

• Their behavior is typically passive-aggressive. They will never tell you what's bothering them, or what you supposedly did "wrong" to be targeted. They will use suggestive language, glares filled with contempt, and their body language to "communicate" their dislike of you. 

• They will work on others' perceptions of you if they are unable to bully or control you. Have you been friendly or cordial with someone, and then one day, all of sudden, you notice they've distanced themselves from you? Yep, this is probably what happened.

• They need an audience; 1:1 they will be on their best behavior, but in front of others they get nasty. You're not crazy; they're insecure and are acting out their feelings.

• They operate in a scarcity mindset and believe other women are a threat to their existence, credibility, desirability, and/or careers. You'll see this more when in the presence of people with power or influence, or men. In their efforts to "outshine" you and others, they will resort to questionable behaviors to "secure their spot" ....whatever that means.

• They need to be the center of attention and feel that other women should engage in this mental "fight" for respect and recognition. They will view you as naive or weak if you don't play along, another reason they may decide to target you. Or, if they feel you are more attractive than they are- which makes them more insecure- they will target you to "take you down a peg" and prove to themselves they are "it." Do you know women who have to be constantly reassured they're the "prettiest girl in the world"? Yep- watch those types.

As with most things related to workplace behavior, there are so many layers to these behaviors, which is what I'd like to explore in the articles to follow.

A reminder: this newsletter is all about bringing forth the hidden, unspoken, and undercover happenings of our workplaces (and society), so be sure to read this through that lens. If you're a woman, read with an open mind and avoid becoming offended (unless you behave in these ways, then absolutely be offended- then stay tuned to the series to learn better ways to engage). 

If you're a man, understand that those behaviors (and others) are not just "how women are"- they are toxic and you too can become victim, albeit in a different way, which we'll discuss later also.

Here's a list of upcoming topics in this series (which may change with the wind because that's how my mind works):

• Narcissistic and Machiavellian women at work

• Married women vs single women and older vs younger women in the workplace

• How society/race impacts the dynamic between black women in the workplace

• Social norms and expectations of women- and how these influences bullying behaviors

Let's get the conversation going- what types of toxic female behavior have you seen at work? How did you deal with it? 

Also, what else should we cover in this series?

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Hi! I'm Nicole, an organizational consultant and personal coach, who is passionate about inspiring the changes our society needs for all to thrive. Using lessons learned from my own experiences and challenges, I hope to help people within organizations by creating mentally, socially, and emotionally healthy workplaces for all. Check out the other resources on this site for more ways to do just that!