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Understanding & Responding to Covert Workplace Attacks Part II - Why?


Last week we talked about the anatomy of a smear campaigns and left off with and important truth: sometimes we're targeted from the very start, without us even being aware of what's happening.

Many of us assume we must have done or said something that triggers workplace abuse. Or, if you're part of one or more marginalized groups within your country, you may feel it's because of the many -isms (racism, sexism, ableism, etc.) or other facets of your identity that shape how people are taught to perceive you.


The narrative around "bullies" (I really dislike that term...) and workplace abusers has always seemed a little backwards to me. Why do we use words like "powerful" and "crafty" to describe abusers? And why do we characterize targets as "weak"? The truth is the opposite: abusers are usually weak-minded, deeply insecure, and follow a very predictable script (which is what this series is about), targeting those who exemplify qualities they wish they had.


I think it's time we fix the narrative.


While -isms are often part of the puzzle, they often operate with other factors (personality traits, some mental illnesses, lack of accountability, feelings of low self-worth, etc.) to drive abusive behavior.

Let's explore this topic more here.


The Real Drivers Behind Abusive Behaviors at Work 

If you decide not to read this whole article, the one thing I'd like you to take from it is that you are not the cause of the abuse you endured. There is nothing different you could have said, no other way you could've looked, nothing more you needed to do. It is never about you- at least not in the way you're made to believe. 


Here's the twist: it is actually about you. Your presence, your intelligence, your skills, your empathy, the way people gravitate towards you, your steadiness, your authenticity.


And this is why: they lack these qualities themselves. They've spent a career, or perhaps even a lifetime pretending to be who you naturally are - and your presence threatens their facade, making their performance harder to maintain. You represent what authenticity really looks like- which makes their facade more obvious to others, which threatens their fragile position. Their contrived sense of control and power are rooted in their facade, which is why they so fiercely defend it- and why your authenticity (and why transparency and truth) are such threats to them.


This goes far deeper than schoolyard bullying. It’s systemic. Our workplaces, schools, and social structures all—often unintentionally—reward façade over integrity. I'll be hosting a webinar soon (see link below to register) on social Machiavellianism in the workplace, which will touch on this topic more. Register here if you're interested in learning more on that.


Now, more on smear campaigns- what's behind this behavior?


The "Why" Behind Smear Campaigns

How do these types get people to play into their lies? It's hard to think about, but often times, abusers don't have to do anything to get people onboard- they willingly participate due to a number of personal reasons, which may include:


  • Their own feelings of insecurity/survival mode

  • Their relationship with the abuser

  • Their status (or desire for status) within the organization

  • Their personal biases and/or prior experiences


On a group level, abusers tend to exploit social biases and mental shortcuts that people take, such as:


  • Halo effect: If someone is seen as competent in one area (charming, high-performing, or well-liked by leadership), people assume they’re good in other areas too. Bullies hide behind a polished exterior to mask toxic behavior. This also connects to authority bias- projecting that persona makes people belief that they can't possibly be capable of less than professional behavior because they play the role well.

  • Liking Bias: This bias is about people being more easily persuaded by people they like or find likable. If there are very surface level characteristics that everyone has agreed are characteristics that will get you liked, promoted and respected, abusers, bullies and toxic leaders will perform these characteristics to exploit this bias, and get others to go along with anything they say.

  • Confirmation bias: People favor information that confirms what they already believe. Bullies and toxic people habitually feed selective stories first to others so that you instinctually believe their version over the victim’s or others who may see through the toxicity

  • Ingroup bias: People trust and protect those who are “like them” (in gender, race, role, values, or social circles). Manipulators exploit group loyalty, making the target “othered" and unprotected in the organization. This is how you can be abused and exploited and no one bats an eye- they feel you deserve it for being different.


Abusers understand human psychology well. They know how to project simplicity (“it’s not that deep”) to make others dismiss what is deeply calculated. They do in fact know it's that deep and maintain an advantage over others who stay focused on the surface- and their facade.


Their main tool is the façade: the image they construct to control the environment and the people in it. They observe you closely- your values, dislikes, and sensitivities- and use that knowledge to manipulate how you and others respond.


This is why being "hard to read" is usually an issue for these types. Without emotional access to you, they lose control- and congratulations you're now a threat.


What We Can Do

Awareness. Awareness. Awareness.

The best thing you can do to combat toxicity and smear campaigns in the workplace is to increase your awareness of:


  • your own feelings, thoughts, biases and behaviors

  • the tactics used by abusers to either abuse you or triangulate you into abusing others

  • unspoken organizational systems and social norms that enable workplace abuse.


The gray rock method (responding to manipulators with bland, minimal engagement) helps you see who’s authentic and who’s fishing for control. Those who are genuine will respect your boundaries. Those who aren’t will try to bait or shame you into lowering them.

In short:


  • Learn their tactics.

  • Be strategic about who you engage with and how.

  • Protect your values, your time, and your peace.


And remember...it is that deep.


Nicole is an organizational consultant and personal coach, who is passionate about inspiring the changes our society needs for all to thrive. Using lessons learned from her own experiences and challenges, she hopes to help people within organizations by creating mentally, socially, and emotionally healthy workplaces for all.


Help The Workplace Unfiltered reach more people! If you found this article useful, please comment, like and share. If you are interested in workplace wellness coaching and would like to learn more, you can:



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