New Communication Skills for the Professional Space

I think it's time for us to reconsider what it means to be skilled in communication in the workplace. The mental and emotional labor needed to not only show up in a space, utilize your skills and talents effectively AND walk on eggshells attempting to interpret indirect communication and corporate games is massive- an exhausting endeavor that many of us have had enough of.

Traditionally, communication in the workplace centers around the need to avoid reality, causing many of us anxiety with the need to walk on eggshells, pretend, become Oscar-worthy actors and actresses, or completely ignore things to avoid rocking the proverbial boat.

The undercover workplace culture I talk about via this newsletter is fueled and upheld by these very flaws in communication that many of us find cringeworthy at best at work:

• Mind reading- the expectation that everyone operates via the same set of values and perspectives, and with the same levels of resources and insight. This "skill" in reading others is more tied to saying less and implying more, which allows for easier manipulation and stretching of the truth.

• Indirectness/walking on eggshells/passive-aggressiveness

• Backstabbing/triangulation: Intentionally confusing people to keep them from pinpointing the real issues (which could be you, or other company issues no one wants to tackle)

• Overuse of jargon and corporate speak to make things appear greater than or more desirable than what they actually are ("make it sound good" vs "make it good")

• Politically correct speech (politeness vs transparency and honesty)

• Conflict avoidance

We all know these methods lead to confusion, misunderstandings, poor team dynamics, lack of creativity, mediocre results and more; yet we participate in these types of communication every day at work. Why is that?

For some, using these methods proves to be an advantage- these all are considered political savvy if used in the "right" ways. Appearing savvy and knowing how to "play the game" play a huge role in how you are perceived in the workplace-specifically whether you're perceived to be competent or not. Actual competence plays a much smaller role in how far you'll go, so organizational systems have made it advantageous for us to use politics and ineffective communication methods to get ahead- so we tolerate them.

Also, from a macro perspective, direct communication is less ideal for control and manipulation, which are necessary in upholding the undercover workplace (if you're new here, check out some earlier editions for more info on the undercover workplace). Being clear allows less room for interpretations that can be used to acquire resources, control perceptions, and other activities tied to gaining social capital, and other individual and corporate gain.

Does this make anyone else's mind spin? My mind is always boggled at the thought of why we do the things we do. If we want to change our workplace communication and environments, how would we do that? How do we undo decades of learned behavior and expectations?

Here are a few suggestions that include some strategies that can lead to more positive outcomes in our interactions and communications with others at work:

• Learn how to be direct while not being rude: Many people equate directness with rudeness, and niceties with tact. This can be for a variety of reasons- how we're raised, cultural expectations, or we can learn indirect communication patterns of behavior from past relationships or experiences. Being direct is more about clearly stating the point, your goals and desired outcomes for your conversation or interaction upfront. This can be done tactfully, and in most cases comes out that way if you're intent is pure and positive. We struggle more when what we have to communicate could be perceived as negative or critical. Checking your intent (are you trying to be helpful or hurtful) is the first step in learning to communicate directly with tact. Next, choose words that have the least chance of alternate interpretation, so your message is clear. Always be open to providing more details and explanations, since we all think differently and we- even with the best of intentions- can misinterpret others' words.

  
  

• Acknowledge and respect differences: We focus too much on our discomfort with differences, without giving the same amount of thought to the positive sides of our differences. What benefit could others' differences bring to you? The team? The company? Someone thinking, communicating or performing their work differently shouldn't automatically equate to difficulty. What can you learn from others' differences? What can others learn from you?

  
  

• Self-reflection: To add on to the last point: instead of instantly attributing negative feelings to some characteristic or behavior of others, first let's think about our own triggers and how these impact our perceptions of others. Are they intimidating, or are you intimidated? Is that idea bad, or do you not fully understand it? We often don't analyze our reactions to things in this way; our minds tell us it's easier for others to change, our egos tell us we don't have to. To interrupt emotional reactions to people or situations, allow yourself time to pause and consider how your own perceptions and experiences are contributing to your interactions. What changes can you make?

• Learn to let go of controlling others: Most conflict management and communication advice relies on indirectly attempting to control others' behaviors, even if through our own (if you say these words, or do these things, people will behave in this way...). This will leave you confused and exhausted, since in most cases these tactics don't work (or at least don't work consistently). Focus more on how you are showing up for your interactions and aligning your communication and behavior with your internal values. Regardless of how others choose to behave, stay anchored in your goals and outcomes, and be ready to set boundaries where necessary.

I'd love to see a shift in workplace cultural expectations that allows for more candid, authentic conversations and relationships. How about you?

What other ideas would you add? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

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Hi! I'm Nicole, an organizational consultant and personal coach, who is passionate about inspiring the changes our society needs for all to thrive. Using lessons learned from my own experiences and challenges, I hope to help people within organizations by creating mentally, socially, and emotionally healthy workplaces for all. Check out the other resources on this site for more ways to do just that!