The Impact of Social Norms on Women in the Workplace

Society often discourages deep thinking about our social norms and behaviors. If we were to truly reflect, we might recognize how destructive many of these behaviors can be. Let's start that conversation today.

The existence of social norms in the workplace can create a perfect environment for bullying and abuse. We often praise women for being collaborative, patient, and emotionally intelligent. But in many workplaces, those same traits can be exploited to shield narcissistic, manipulative, and bullying behavior.

Understanding Social Norms in the Workplace for Women

Women are shaped by social expectations from an early age. These expectations influence how they lead, collaborate, advocate, and even protect themselves at work. These aren’t just habits or "good social skills." They are survival strategies deeply rooted in social conditioning:

• Be "nice," agreeable, and nonconfrontational.

• Put everyone else's needs ahead of your own.

• Always be modest; don't take up too much space.

• Avoid making others uncomfortable.

• Maintain control of your image and presentation.

• Seek to be liked.

• Compete for limited opportunities at the table.

  
  

The Connection Between Women, Social Norms, and Bullying Behaviors

Toxic workplaces often persist due to a culture of silence and conflict avoidance. Women are expected to smooth things over and be nonconfrontational. This expectation creates an environment where harmful behaviors thrive. When individuals comply with the marginalization, bullying, and mobbing of others, bad behavior becomes supported by social expectations and norms.

How Social Norms Contribute to Abusive Environments

• The Need to Be Liked: The societal pressure to be liked can be overwhelming. The "bossy woman" stereotype reinforces this expectation. If a woman is "too" assertive or outspoken, she risks making others uncomfortable. This pressure discourages women from stepping outside established norms. As a result, they may face various forms of abuse until they conform. Tragically, some women perpetuate this mindset, inadvertently compromising the ideals of "sisterhood" that society promotes.

  
  

• The Pressure to Be Agreeable: In order to be liked, women often feel compelled to be agreeable and non-confrontational. They strive to be modest and avoid taking up too much space. One of my earlier discussions focused on Machiavellianism and its impact on workplace culture. Charm and charisma—common traits among women—can also become tools for manipulation. Some women may utilize their perceived niceness to mask covert bullying. This may manifest as passive-aggressive behavior, emotional manipulation, or undermining colleagues—all in the name of being nice.

  
  

• The Expectation of Emotional Control: The pressure to maintain control over one's image and emotions often drives passive-aggressive behavior. Unrealistic beauty standards and societal comparisons contribute to many women feeling insecure. To fit in and comply with social norms, they may resort to covert displays of aggression. The expectation to appear composed leads to unhealthy communication methods, resulting in abuse hidden under a facade of politeness.

  
  

• Prioritizing Others' Needs: The expectation to perform emotional labor significantly impacts all women, but it is especially evident among women of color. When faced with discomfort from others regarding their presence, women may experience sabotage, gossip, and hostility. To maintain professionalism amid such treatment, they are often expected to endure, sometimes with a smile. This experience can vary drastically among women of different backgrounds, but the same social norms we dissect here often do not provide adequate protection for black women.

  
  

• Competing for Limited Opportunities: The scarcity mindset is a formidable threat that fosters competition among women. When one woman is praised, others may view it as a threat rather than a shared celebration. This toxic thinking undermines solidarity and prevents mutual support. Instead of competing, we should uplift one another because there is enough success to go around. There is no reason to diminish another woman's achievements to elevate our own.

  
  

The Consequences of Toxic Social Norms

These expectations lay the groundwork for unchecked abuse. In the name of doing what is "right," many women perpetuate the very behavior they decry. This hypocrisy becomes evident when women decry abuse from men but rationalize, support, or conceal it among themselves. If this statement offends you, then this article may not resonate with your values. We must confront these patterns and hold ourselves accountable for fostering change.

Those who assert themselves and challenge the status quo may become targets for women who adhere to these expectations. Questions like, "How dare you show up this way?" or "If I have to comply, so must you!" reflect the feelings stemming from these socially ingrained behaviors.

These are just a few of the complex emotions leading to specific abusive behaviors among women at work. We will discuss these further in the next article.

Key Takeaways

To summarize, here are some pivotal truths to consider:

• Silence protects manipulation.

• Avoidance enables cruelty and harm.

• Politeness deflects accountability.

  
  

Where do you stand?

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Hi! I'm Nicole, an organizational consultant and personal coach passionate about inspiring the changes our society needs for all to thrive. Using lessons learned from my experiences and challenges, I aim to help individuals within organizations create mentally, socially, and emotionally healthy workplaces for everyone. Check out the other *resources on this site for more ways to do just that